I haven't written anything for awhile and I kinda dislike the idea of sharing my thoughts on Facebook status. I want to show happiness only at my page so I decided to drop time in my blog.
Since, no one reads my blog, this will be my avenue for exploring my inner tragic self.
Lemme start with a few things (if you are reading this and have no interest whatsoever, I suggest you leave page or read something else)
The thing is I have had so many insatiable pain in my head right now. Thinking of the past, it hinders me from moving forward. Simply because I am more of the balanced person. I don't mind that people don't like me (Quote: You can never please everybody) but I have the tendency to hate people who pretends to be friends with you but at the end, back stabs you. So typical Filipino value, so immature and so lame.
Last year, on my senior college year back in the last school, I coped up with different people. I understand how the culture of the generation can be different from mine but what I don't get is they give a lot of care about everything in the world. If people don't seem to like your work, its fine. The point of that is that you accept it, move on and forget or accept it, make it better, feel good afterwards.
The thing about the people is "the sense of belonging", the one that makes you perfectly strong and powerful behind the barriers of people who believes in your ideals or "gusto". In the real world, it's not about that. The bigger picture describes that you don't need back up to recuperate your idea, all you need is optimism and stand. No matter what the opinion of others is about you, is not your concern.
But the point of the matter is this, people can have so much opinion on people. Good, bad, neutral, whatever it could be, it all boils down to "diversity of ideals". People are opinionated because they are bound to different experiences but what I was concerned about was the fact that unintentionally you do something and people began turning your back on you. By them people I meant friends. Friends you share your food with, you spend so much time with, do sleep overs, do eat lunch together; friends you wait up till their late classes so as you can share dinner with, friends whom you trusted your secrets too, you cried up when things go back, who knows how you would react to sarcasm, who wants to travel with you, who asked for your advises, and the list just goes on and on and you know what I mean.
I asked google to give me understanding. What is really the definition of FRIENDS? So I asked Merriam (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/friend) and she said " one attached to another by affection or esteem" well, probably there's that idea of attachment. So then don't get too attached?
I have nothing against them people, I just am concerned that they are too full of themselves. The fact that they ask you help, you do somethings to do, favors and all, well that is something else.
I simply cannot discuss who these people are but if they happen to come by this page, they probably will know who they are. Forgive my french "backstabbing bitches".. oohhh, there it is. I may have done a couple of things I may regret (or would want to change of) but at least I don't talk behind their backs. If I have some huge problems, I would tell them straight into their face and make them realize that it's better that way than making up stories. My question is, are they satisfied afterwards?
I know I was never perfect. I was bossy (according to few people) but lemme get this straight, I may be bossy but I don't just sit pretty idly at the side when work commenced. I would rather give requests but them people think I'm bossing around. I don't want to make it such a big deal until reality sunk in.
I have had so many tantrums in my life but never did I insist on grudges. Yes, even if I'm close to death (circa 2007). I was taught by my parents to forgive. I learned that from my mom. I have been so intensely difficult as a child and did some crazy things growing up but seeing my mom, after all the crap I did, loved me no less, it inspired me to do the same.
But some people, i think don't deserve that. I have only been observing and looking on the other side and waiting for my time, it actually never came. I know I have faults. I have done some crazy things. I have done so many things I might regret but I never regret being true to myself. Haters gonna hate as they say but there's nothing they can do about it.
If they had a problem with me (be it in the workplace or outside), the best thing that they can do is point it out at me otherwise they pretend nothing is wrong and you lived a life of lie with these people. THEY ARE SO MISERABLE WITH THEIR LIVES THEY CAN ONLY SEE OTHER PEOPLE'S MISTAKES!
I am so sorry about it. I may inject conflict with whoever is involved. I cried about it and I have moved on. Only today was different. Only that you realize you lose the once you trusted your stories with and whom you value the most and that is by far one of the most painful moments of my life.
This is the lesson of trust and faith. You can never ever trust anyone. You can only give them what is due. Don't over feed them with information, they will use it against you. Never trust someone too much of you, they will never live up to your expectations. They will become a parasite. They will feed on the things they envy about you. They will find mistakes in the most comfortable things in life. They will not give you that due respect you deserved. They will only come so slowly and squeeze your ideals and aspirations of life and friendship and they will talk behind your back because you don't like the same things are they do.
i can never say lastly because of the exasperation of anger i have inside of me, but since it was over a year, that anger faded away. I asked for forgiveness and they obliged. I was hoping they will say more but well, fake will always be fake, right?
I couldn't fathom such idea that there are people like them. And I trust that this message maybe trash but definitely a sigh of relief to my part. Maybe they watched too much teleserye all their life, got so attached and praised it with so much pride. Oh, I have nothing against that, it's just that, they get so many values I couldn't even imagine. I don't know if I got it right, coz I am not a fan of local teleseryes.
Much love to them! I hope in their hearts, there's a light. Remember, the more you put a person down, the better they got up, dirty and ready to get back at you.
xoxo,
i don't gossip girl
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