Memory Lane

So here I am, back again in my humble abode.
Waking up in a hot summer morning and counting down the days before my birthday, I realize a couple of things..

First, I am getting older (not only by age, but my virtue). I must say I have done a few things in my life that I may regrets but I am still lucky to be here and experience the world in another time and space. Future is what I mean.

Second, I lost a lot of people but I gained better ones. This is probably one of the best things in my life that I had to be thankful for.

So before I bequest another chapter of my life's journey, let me introduce you my life before.
Backward just a few years back.

People would say, I am a miserable person, simply because I don't talk that much but when I do, I tend to be mean. But not all the time.. I am a rational person and that's why I use my brain more so often than my mouth. I went back to college (after graduating my first course which is something technical - Engineering) and followed my first love and passion - ARTS.

Ever since I was a kid, I have been fascinated by science and technology but in its creative form. I am in love with colors and vibrancy and I have been a fan of extraordinary things. I may not have traveled and conquered the world just yet, but I know I have lived my life that way I should be.

I am a dreamer, always has, always will.. And I will continue to dream and learn and live by it. Every single day of my life. So bringing back memories always makes me smile. The fact that I haven't done this for sometimes (and I need to hone my writing skills more often than I should) and this is my perfect time to rant about it.

I would like to say, well.. I have been in a pedestal for quite sometime. When I was in college, I was so motivated to work hard to earn good grades because I asked my parents a favor of helping me find my dream so taking me back to college was a big feat given that my family only has enough to offer. Oh yes, we aren't that rich. Lemme say, we are of middle class, we can afford things others can't but we don't spend too gallantly as upper class just because we had enough. 

Maybe my college years (in Ateneo) wasn't all sugar and spice and everything nice. It was painful (at the end of the road, given I was the eldest of the bunch). Teachers have higher expectations and my classmates were, well.. I couldn't explain. Furthermore, I cannot guarantee I had the best time of my life (just yet because I couldn't understand how being classmates with all girls mean that you have to chatter everything from clothes, to food that you eat, the preferences, what you can buy, etc..)

If someone is reading this now, I think I know her reaction, it would be that I am as mean and crazy as I can be. And that I am hated by everyone. Not quite no. I don't usually defend my side of the story whenever things get so complex. I talk to one person to express myself and then I let them hate me, more. 

But it wasn't all that bad in college. I can say that there are some good stuff. First, I was able to learn a lot of things. This that I use in PR today. I took a summer training in IAFT (International Academy for Film and Television) during my last summer year in college (Red Tape Productions) and I was lucky few who was able to use dollies and stuff. (but no, I don't have photos as it was prohibited inside the Bigfoot) but I accepted the challenge and be gone.

And oh yes, before graduating, I was the first who joined the short film category for Metro Manila Film Festival. Alyssa, made the pre production idea. We came up with this short film about sisterhood, genre : HORROR/SUSPENSE. For some reason, we want to make them but not really a big fan of horror flicks. 

  
 These photos were post production photos coz I can't find the rest. We had 8 shooting days (for an actual 20-min film), 5 post production days, 3 pre production meetings only. I know, we should have longer plans before production but because of our busy schedules, we weren't able to meet. Most of us were graduating students and had some responsibilities so it was a tight call. Anyhow, we passed, got into the cut but we never made it as far as the gala night. Simply because there are a lot of better productions but I am glad we tried. I mean, there's no harm in trying right?

And that was just fun.
I may not have continued it for now, but in time I will push it.

I love doing all sorts of crazy, especially adventure and sports. You see, when I was younger, I played baseball (softball) and basketball *for my height, I know its quite unusual*

So I while I was in Davao, when time permits and budget fits, I would.

 So I thought wall climbing was hard. Since I do trekking and mountaineering, it was a breeze. I mean, not really but I'd say, I did it faster than the average joe.

Ok, so I don't have all the shots in the world since we didn't really intend to do all these.. so I gather you understand. hahaha.. well, yeah.. these are some of my friends. Most of them guys who wants to try extreme sports too. The last photo was from our wakeboarding escape. 

My first year back in school was a lot challenging. I met few people and become friends with some. Back in my first school (MSU-IIT), I made kind of a noise. I was so involved with extra curricular and got one of the highest position in an organization. I was the college Governor (president for some universities) and I was also a debating team, member of the publication, joined all the Literary events and also a cheerleader. But I decided to lie low in Ateneo. I don't want to break barriers because I already finished all the crap and the drama of politics and orgs.

I was able to join the publication committee in FYDP though. During my first year in college, I was tasked to join a Ignatian Cup Essay Writing contest for English. I really didn't expect to win but I did so that was the reason why I was a committee member of this publication, we call it YEAR ONE, its a freshmen thingy and since I started all over again in this school, I did what I had to do. 

It was fun. 
I love major classes in school. I love writing and events organizing, TV Productions, making music videos, making advertisements, shooting videos and doing radio shows. It was fun. Too fun for me I forgot how it was in the outside world.

 I was involved with Media and the Arts. I wrote for publications and newspaper but only for a short time. 
It was fun because I dealt with my strength. My passion for film came out later. My love for writing started when I was younger and I was able to hone it in college.

Ateneo was a fun environment for socio-political propaganda. During my final year in college, I was able to experience all these in a high class university. I realized that these people are not your average Joes too. A lot of them are fun and dedicated and were good with what they do. Some of them are, sad to say, arrogant though. Maybe it comes with a package. I'm not saying all though... there are alot of good men and women in Ateneo.

MAGIS! Men and women for others and AMDG (Ad Majora dei Gloriam) comes so quickly amongst fellow Ateneans.

These are people outside my comfort zone. I took classes outside Mass Communications Major which was Business Management and Finance. There I met my international friends. Since Ateneo was a top school and it also has programs that suits your needs (hahaha.. advertisement)..

And finally, the last photos were memories.

We had this project and we adopted this community in the local area. These kids are orphans and are also sick. It was very touching to experience what it was like to have nothing. We also had another community exposure but I wasn't able to include it here. This was my favorite though coz I love kids.

Porchers and Sec officers. In my last college year, I became a Sec. But it wasn't as 

active as it was before. 

Radio DJ-ing with Mushy Marj.

Awards nights. 2 Semesters of Awards nights. :) Oh yes, I have awards.

First recollection! I miss recollections. Back in High School, we have all sorts of these stuff because I also came from this Catholic School. :) 

These are my friends. Team Rhyge (originally). Named after the only guy in the group.

Soooooo.. that's just part of my story.

I'm tired now so I better get some sleep.

Good night world.

Past revisited

May I rant my deluded soul?

I haven't written anything for awhile and I kinda dislike the idea of sharing my thoughts on Facebook status. I want to show happiness only at my page so I decided to drop time in my blog.

Since, no one reads my blog, this will be my avenue for exploring my inner tragic self.
Lemme start with a few things (if you are reading this and have no interest whatsoever, I suggest you leave page or read something else)

The thing is I have had so many insatiable pain in my head right now. Thinking of the past, it hinders me from moving forward. Simply because I am more of the balanced person. I don't mind that people don't like me (Quote: You can never please everybody) but I have the tendency to hate people who pretends to be friends with you but at the end, back stabs you. So typical Filipino value, so immature and so lame.

Last year, on my senior college year back in the last school, I coped up with different people. I understand how the culture of the generation can be different from mine but what I don't get is they give a lot of care about everything in the world. If people don't seem to like your work, its fine. The point of that is that you accept it, move on and forget or accept it, make it better, feel good afterwards.

The thing about the people is "the sense of belonging", the one that makes you perfectly strong and powerful behind the barriers of people who believes in your ideals or "gusto". In the real world, it's not about that. The bigger picture describes that you don't need back up to recuperate your idea, all you need is optimism and stand. No matter what the opinion of others is about you, is not your concern.

But the point of the matter is this, people can have so much opinion on people. Good, bad, neutral, whatever it could be, it all boils down to "diversity of ideals". People are opinionated because they are bound to different experiences but what I was concerned about was the fact that unintentionally you do something and people began turning your back on you. By them people I meant friends. Friends you share your food with, you spend so much time with, do sleep overs, do eat lunch together; friends you wait up till their late classes so as you can share dinner with, friends whom you trusted your secrets too, you cried up when things go back, who knows how you would react to sarcasm, who wants to travel with you, who asked for your advises, and the list just goes on and on and you know what I mean.

I asked google to give me understanding. What is really the definition of FRIENDS? So I asked Merriam (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/friend) and she said " one attached to another by affection or esteem" well, probably there's that idea of attachment. So then don't get too attached?

I have nothing against them people, I just am concerned that they are too full of themselves. The fact that they ask you help, you do somethings to do, favors and all, well that is something else.

I simply cannot discuss who these people are but if they happen to come by this page, they probably will know who they are. Forgive my french "backstabbing bitches".. oohhh, there it is. I may have done a couple of things I may regret (or would want to change of) but at least I don't talk behind their backs. If I have some huge problems, I would tell them straight into their face and make them realize that it's better that way than making up stories. My question is, are they satisfied afterwards?

I know I was never perfect. I was bossy (according to few people) but lemme get this straight, I may be bossy but I don't just sit pretty idly at the side when work commenced. I would rather give requests but them people think I'm bossing around. I don't want to make it such a big deal until reality sunk in.

I have had so many tantrums in my life but never did I insist on grudges. Yes, even if I'm close to death (circa 2007). I was taught by my parents to forgive. I learned that from my mom. I have been so intensely difficult as a child and did some crazy things growing up but seeing my mom, after all the crap I did, loved me no less, it inspired me to do the same.

But some people, i think don't deserve that. I have only been observing and looking on the other side and waiting for my time, it actually never came. I know I have faults. I have done some crazy things. I have done so many things I might regret but I never regret being true to myself. Haters gonna hate as they say but there's nothing they can do about it.

If they had a problem with me (be it in the workplace or outside), the best thing that they can do is point it out at me otherwise they pretend nothing is wrong and you lived a life of lie with these people. THEY ARE SO MISERABLE WITH THEIR LIVES THEY CAN ONLY SEE OTHER PEOPLE'S MISTAKES!

I am so sorry about it. I may inject conflict with whoever is involved. I cried about it and I have moved on. Only today was different. Only that you realize you lose the once you trusted your stories with and whom you value the most and that is by far one of the most painful moments of my life.

This is the lesson of trust and faith. You can never ever trust anyone. You can only give them what is due. Don't over feed them with information, they will use it against you. Never trust someone too much of you, they will never live up to your expectations. They will become a parasite. They will feed on the things they envy about you. They will find mistakes in the most comfortable things in life. They will not give you that due respect you deserved. They will only come so slowly and squeeze your ideals and aspirations of life and friendship and they will talk behind your back because you don't like the same things are they do.

i can never say lastly because of the exasperation of anger i have inside of me, but since it was over a year, that anger faded away. I asked for forgiveness and they obliged. I was hoping they will say more but well, fake will always be fake, right?

I couldn't fathom such idea that there are people like them. And I trust that this message maybe trash but definitely a sigh of relief to my part. Maybe they watched too much teleserye all their life, got so attached and praised it with so much pride. Oh, I have nothing against that, it's just that, they get so many values I couldn't even imagine. I don't know if I got it right, coz I am not a fan of local teleseryes.

Much love to them! I hope in their hearts, there's a light. Remember, the more you put a person down, the better they got up, dirty and ready to get back at you.

xoxo,

i don't gossip girl